Balance Your Positivity

In an article by Noel McDermott on "toxic positivity." she claims, "Unblinking optimism and shutting the door on negative feelings doesn’t make them go away; if anything, it exacerbates them."

Why use the adjective "toxic"? It promotes the negative when feelings require a balance.

My "unblinking optimism" rules and I will share it with others. Often called a Pollyanna by those who have never read the book, my feelings run the gamut during our current situation. I deal with them balancing realistic thinking, positivity and possibilities where needed. 

Noel McDermott, a psychotherapist in London, relates that this avoidance activity hurts us. She describes the collective trauma we're experiencing during the pandemic. “One of the biggest examples of toxic positivity is in the area of denial of the traumatic nature of the pandemic,” McDermott says. “You see it when people only promote the positive experience of lockdown in which they have been on a journey of self-development, learning to live in peace with their inner world.”

She adds: “Even in normal times, becoming more inwardly focused is always a challenge, as we all have inner demons.” 

McDermott dislikes the ideas many embrace now: spending more time with family, new hobbies, lots of positive activities. It delegitimizes the very legitimate worries people have about their health, their family and friends’ health, and putting food on the table while unemployed or worrying about job security.

Jenny Maenpaa a therapist in New York City, has another approach, "Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with counting your blessings during such a dark time. But you can do so while also acknowledging your uneasiness." 

“You can fight toxic positivity by acknowledging or recognizing that multiple complex emotions can exist in you all at once,” Maenpaa says. 

I approach the uncertainty by acknowledgment. Then consider perspectives to explore in this troubling time. Reality forms the means to a balanced life. As Maenpaa suggests, " Lean into the positive and the negative."

After acknowledging my frustrations and fears, expressions of gratitude begin my day. I post my daily blog, then move into my morning run. Along my route, I encourage smiles. Writing notes to home owners if sprinklers are broken, I applaud gardens with good wishes and push newspapers closer to the front doors.

Journaling details my anxieties and creativity along with mindfulness training. How to Tame a Wild Elephant by Jan Chozen Bays, MD and Self-Meditation by Barbara Ann Kipfer offer assistance.

“When we give ourselves permission to hold multiple seemingly conflicting truths in our minds at the same time, we can eliminate the tension between them and give room to all of our positive and negative emotions,” Maenpaa explains. 

Use insights and Creativity to build your immunity to stress.

Acknowledge issues. Then pause and punctuate your day with possibilities.

Make a list daily of three concerns. Find three possibilities to get into action. Smile as you write.

Let laughter exercise the brain and stomach muscles.

Share kindness with others.

Self-care and taking action involve a focus on good sleeping habits, exercise, healthy diet, and conversations about issues with family and friends. 

Finding a spiritual practice and a focus on larger causes will assist with well-being.

Energize emotions with music and sing along.

Take time in nature. Notice scents, sounds and colors.

Complete the day observing nature's wonders.