While enjoying breakfast at an outdoor cafe, I
observed two couples with three dogs. Each time the dogs jumped up and barked,
the owners said, "NO!" and gave them a treat. How amusing that
the owners did not realize they rewarded the negative behavior they wished to
stop.
If they had waited until the dogs became still and quiet, then said,
"Good dog," patted a head and gave the treat, they might notice positive results in
the future. The dogs might wag more and bark less.
NO! rates as the most overused word in the English
language. It resounds everywhere especially when parents catch children in
negative activities. Yes! appeals with optimism and elicits stronger
connections to positive action. In our fast paced world, it takes patience to
wait for the right time to reward behavior. Consistency to catch good action works.
We can modify our writing behavior with the same
techniques. If discouraged and we keep writing even if not on the topic, we
move beyond frustration. Our mood changes and we feel more internal rewards
than feeling upset that we stopped.
Watch for opportunities to use Yes! instead of No
today. Describe what it feels like to wait and reward positive behavior rather
than reinforce negative actions.
Creative Write: If you're
working on a writing project and feel frustrated, stop what you're working on.
Take a sheet of paper and write your feelings at the top of the page.
Use: I'm angry, frustrated, bored. I don't want to write this stuff. My writing sucks today.
Take six breaths to relax. Start writing to the end of the page
until you catch yourself gleaming with words. You will free yourself from the negative
emotions. Stop only when you think you can write on and on. You will
always want to return to words in rhythm.
Take a break, a walk or nap.
Return to your project with a Yes! and renewed vigor.
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